Hello,
Slow and gentle issue coming your way today.
I have been having one of those days - the ones where you distract yourself from the horrible feelings that are enveloping you. I try to not to let those feelings consume me, but its hard. Its hard. The winter months have always been hard for me. When I lived by myself, I had developed all these self care routines to prevent me from falling into that abyss. But implementing them year after year has turned tedious. And, it is a vicious cycle. I wish I was more resilient, I wish I was more positive and upbeat, and not a sappy soul who gets emo about everything.
Whenever I feel this way, one of the things that has helped me has been positive affirmations. Practicing them, saying them to myself, and believing that the universe has my back. Affirmations have been doing the rounds in the past few years, back in mainstream culture, with people’s interest in self-help and motivation growing. When I first came across it, I dismissed it. I barfed loudly, and rolled my eyes. What do you mean, ‘I trust my wisdom’. I am not supposed to second-guess my decisions, you say? Most of the conflicts I have are within me, they are my voice fighting me, dragging me down, and leaving me drained and I am left with limited energy to ‘fight’ with the world. It’s interesting that I would say ‘fight with the world’. I read a few of my journal enteries from a few years ago, and I have mentioned this quite a few times - fight with the world. Who was I fighting ? I chuckle now. Why did I think I had to fight with the world ? I have no idea, and I will need a months, perhaps years, to unpack that. For now, I am not fighting the world. Practicing and beliveing in affirmations made me feel like the world has my back and that I don’t have to isolate myself. I am in with the world. I am part of the world, and I can be positive, nice and kind to myself about it.
That I am capable of coming out of this spiral. That I have it in me to sail through. That it will be easy again :)
PS : Send hugs!